By Wild Ice
I didn't know how it happened. I just suddenly woke up facing a class filled with curses-I-don't-want-to-mention-yet students. Here I am: an adviser of the next worst section in the whole first year batch. Before, there was the other section, but now, I figured, and probably so as the other teachers, that My section is becoming the breakthrough worst section for this batch. Before, other teachers would tell me that it's part of the culture of the past batches of my section (let's call it by the name of St. Loco) that it's the noisiest section ever. And my batch lives on with the legacy.
From the first week I've already seen their 'potentials'. Now, they are on their peek by having almost ALL of the staff, personells and faculty members recognize their inconvenient attitudes. There had been a lot of shortcomings from my St. Loco.
But not only are they capable of creating the loudest noise in the classrooms and corridors, the members of St. Loco are even giving me feedbacks from their teachers about their incompetence and irresponsibility. Only a few of them (can be counted by the fingers of my left hand) are active during class. The rest: ZEROOOOOOOOO!!!
Everyday is Sermon Day. I even came to a point of not talking to them and only communicating through writing. Then I came up with new houserules--which are actually becoming more and more effective!!! But the thing is, once I leave them, they're back with their horns and tails.
Then, this Friday during mass, they made a lot of scenes; a lot of hurting each other, creating noise during the quietest part of the mass, unnecessary glances--and take note: WE WERE AT THE FRONT SEATS OF THE CHURCH!! I was fuming up.. I wanted to throw anything onto them and shout at them but I couldn't because:
1. We're in a church
2. We're close to the microphones of the choir.
So I released all of the bad energy while we were in the classroom and I was on the verge of violence. They heard me yell at the top of my lungs (but it was not my peak since I was trying to control my temper because once I get really really mad, I could really create chaos). I even gave them the idea how bad I could behave once I reach my boiling point (nope, that's not my boiling point yet!! I haven't thrown anything at them or hurt them). But of course, anger management is a must.
I'm a teacher.
But they deserve the terror I gave. AND the punishments...
By Wild Ice
How can I manage to calm myself?
How can I shut up now?
How should I act now knowing this?
How?
How will I keep myself from seeing the truth?
I've been blind (don't know for how long)...
Should I continue this?
Or will I go on believing in LOGIC OVER LOVE?
to be continued or to be ENDED...
By Wild Ice
We all believe in an imaginary world. It is that certain location where we take a visit whenever we daydream. This sort of world exists in the depths of our souls, waiting to be shared to others while it exists in our deep conscience.
This world is the reason why we all believe in whatever we want to believe.
This world is what makes us happy whenever we are sad.
This world saves us from the fangs of reality.
This world.. This world that I hold.. and you hold.. and he holds... and she holds... they all differ.... We can't have the same world--all of us.. There will be differences... and there are also similarities (it may be a lot of it)... But we can't argue that Saturn is Jupiter... nor that Mars can be Earth...
Each of us is unique. And our planets clash and mingle through our daily interactions. But think about this: If the state of our imaginary worlds will be the ones that we want the real world to become, who shall be right? Who will be wrong?
Is it really true that the line between goodness and evil is almost invisible?
Who really created morals? Is it really from our own souls? Or is it part of the norms?
We must not push everything that we want to happen. There are times that we must adjust. And there are times that we really need to struggle and survive.
It's a crazy world out there. But it's crazier in each of us.
By Wild Ice
"Sir, emo ka? (Are you emo, sir?)" that student would always ask me outside the classroom.
I would give him a negative answer or a shake of the head. He's not that annoying, I just find it funny he would usually ask that to me everytime he sees me.
"Sir, emo ka?"
I don't know if it is because of the way I look but first of all, my being a fan of black or dark clothes does not claim I AM an emo. Second, my students barely see me with my casual get up. Or maybe it's my hair.... hmmmm....
"Sir, emo ka?"
But no, really, I'm not an emo though most people would usually tell me I look like one. Please!! Wearing black is not being emo (refer to my blog post "Rock")!!
But last wednesday was the most EMO moment that has ever happened to me. I have never been so emotional in my whole life. It's the first time I've shed tears in a day. I even started to like emotional alternative songs that I have in my cellphone and CDs.
"Sir, emo ka?"
I guess that's how it goes. We feel pain and we start being an emotional freak especially when we're inlove.
But this doesn't mean that I'll start slashing my wrist or putting on heavy eyeliners and make it look like tears.
"Sir, emo ka?"
Hey, we don't need to dress up like those "emo-posers" just to express our feelings. Go on with your life!!
As for us, We're okay now. ^_^
By Wild Ice
Last night was the hardest... The rain poured so hard and I couldn't stop it. It never usually rain around me. But this one is my weakpoint.
This morning, there was a suspension of classes due to the storm signal number two raised in our location. It was pretty redundant that it is the feast day of St. John the Baptist and there is this event someplace here in the Philippines that on this day, people get drenched in streets using whatever that contains water to throuw to anybody (even to strangers).
It's also Manila Day. There are no classes in Universities in Manila.
And it is my birthday.
This morning I received lots of greetings through SMS and it was a little ironic. I appreciate everybody who remebered the day I first came into the world... But this particular day is not that "happy". This is because the night before, WE called for a time out (or at least You requested it)...
So it irked me for You to greet me a HAPPY birthday. I texted you after that "not to greet me a happy birthday if you can't make it happy." The message seemed cold and everything is not going right between the two of us. It's not that we broke up.. Its just that... I don't know...
Yes, the problem is me. I admit. And I was beyond apologetic about it. But you insisted we get a hell of a time out because of my behavior lately when we're together.
So the rain poured down the cheeks of the city. The sobs resounded in this quiet little room where we used to be. I called your name a thousand times on the phone but you kept silent just listening to my voice.
And so, the rain poured on my saddest birthday ever...
By Wild Ice
It was just one of those afternoons that we spend together; my Baby and I. We sat there on a concrete bench in the park surrounded by plants, trees and cicadas. We went on talking and talking since it was a day that we just settled to rest on a park (away first from the walks in the mall and handsome dinners).
At the corner of my eye, all of a sudden, I noticed a white hairy thingy on my right elbow. To my greatest shock, disgust, and reflex, I scrambled up on my feet and started shaking my right arm crying, "Oh my god!! Oh, my god!!!"
My Baby asked me what it was.
It was a disgusting caterpillar on my arm. And worse, when I shook it off, it landed on my left arm. I started shaking and shaking and scrambling and yelling. I was scandalous in the whole park that we both agreed to leave the place. When we were walking outside, I couldn't calm down. I was in my greatest paranoia. I still thought that freaking caterpillar was somewhere on my body. I even asked my Baby to peek at my pants to see if that damned thing crawled into the depths of my being.
I was trying to calm down. But I couldn't shake the feeling that it was still in me until I took a shower that night.
I felt embarassed with my Baby. It was the first time ever that my Baby saw me so scared in my whole life because I'm the bolder and stronger one in the couple.
But it was no big deal. My Baby reaasures acceptance about my fears and even ANYTHING about me. And I'm so glad I'm contented with how things go with us.
Even if a bug gets in the way (and I'm not just talking about a caterpillar.. ;p)
By Wild Ice
It's not that I'm happy about what I'm doing...
It's not that I enjoy much about it (but I successfully try to enjoy a little bit)...
But I'm happy.. Happy to be working now. And I call this by the word 'job' or 'work' and not another thing for me. Well, yeah, I teach... That's my job. It's my aim to make my students learn. But eversince the very start, this was not my choice.
But I'm so over whining about it. All I yell at myself is that resounding roar "Get to work!!" as loud as how my voice goes in a classroom.
It's a profession to all, even to me, but someday I'll move on. I've accomplished much and it shows that there isn't any impossibility that I will be able to get a great grasp on my REAL GOALS.
I have nothing to complain. I just do my job well. That's all.
And so, I move on... and I raise my foot take one more step forward..............
