The passage that really made me understand what paradox is like is: “The only permanent thing in the world is change.” And the passage delivers a very well established thought. Yes, indeed! Everything changes and we can’t control it most of the time---and it is permanent in this world. Sometimes, it’s a bad change. At times, change is beneficial—otherwise known as development.

The complain that I’ve change ever since I began a relationship had been a passing-by issue and is completely absurd to whine about at this very moment. Yes, it’s true—I did change during the first few months I entered this relationship. But I got the hang of it, both of us did. And we were back to who we are completely and we thought our friends understand about it already. We went on this year without that ‘change’ issue. But later on I’d find out it’s still something someone’s whining about? Odd…

First of all, we can’t avoid change in some ways, like my availability, my actions, my words, my reaction to some things related to us.. Yes, THERE ARE CHANGES. I’m not single anymore. But, I made sure I can still hold on to my SELF and that I still care for my FRIENDS. But it seems to me that some of them just want us the way we were back when we were single: always available, focused on them and their feelings with undivided attention. Sometimes, I even quip: “What do they want us to do? Kiss and hug them while we kiss and hug to each other??” or “Do they want us (me and my Baby) to forget each other when we’re together??” Odd… Enough!!! If that’s a fact that they can’t take anymore, it would be better to leave them behind because they can’t accept the CHANGE in us… Why can’t they be contented that they are still OUR FRIENDS and that we STILL CARE ABOUT THEM? (It’s just that now, we can’t give full focus because my Baby and I also got each other)

And what bugs me is that a person whines about our change and even is mad about us (????) because of it. I say: “What did our change do to you?? Did it step on your dignity to have such grudge?? Did our change affect your life greatly to have such anger to us??”

I don’t want to do this and hear once more that I said another through blogging but this one’s frustrating considering that the person concerned does not want to talk it over yet. I understand if he/she doesn’t want to for a while. But the idea of “PRETENDING WE’RE OKAY WHEN WE SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY” is disgusting. I’m not mad at this certain person… I’m just frustrated because every reason given to us is ABSOLUTELY IRRATIONAL. That’s all… because even that person changed in some ways… But I’d be glad if that person GROWS.. Really.. GROOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW….. Because I still care for her.. I just think that he/she is not fully exposed to how I liberate people around me due to usual absence and bonding failures. There are gaps, really.. I need to communicate to this person at the farthest reach I can because WHEN PEOPLE TEND TO BE STUBBORN, THEY TEND TO CLOSE THE DOORS DESPITE LOGICAL REASONS.